Perhaps the greatest legend of our time- a legend we have dismissed and laughed about- is now staring us right in the face.
Bigfoot has long been the fodder for cynics and non-believers- a running joke with a million punch lines, a tall tale with a hundred plots.
But now, with provocative video footage surfacing in North Carolina this week, the grim realities of living with Bigfoot begin to grip us all.
While the fat cats in Hollywood stuff tripe like “Harry and the Henderson’s” down our throat, we are left indifferent and unprepared for this cataclysmic event.
But I must say, this news is quite vindicating for someone like myself.
For many years I have dwelt on the immense fundamental complications that would arise when Bigfoot left his woodland setting, and imposed his stubborn, hairy will upon our peaceful urban lives.
And in that time I endured the slings and arrows that come with thinking differently, and holding true to my convictions.
But now that the time has come, all those people obsessed with things like the deficit, and healthcare, and public education- they are the fools. And I am the smart guy who is too cool to say, “I told you so.”
Being the humble person that I am- always the first to extend my strong, supple hand to those who are clearly inferior in every way- I am willing to let bygones be bygones.
We must move forward and work together through this life-altering development- or else certain peril awaits us all.
Please listen to the song that I wrote some 6 months before this event transpired, “Bigfoot In The City.”
You can call me a prophet if you like- but I’m just a man; a man who knew Bigfoot was coming.